We'd Love To Help, But We're The Problem

Chapter 65 of Neophyte: My Life In A Sex Cult

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This is a chapter within my memoir, Neophyte, about my time in a harmful cult called the Deer Tribe Metis Medicine Society. It is not meant to be read as a stand-alone post. To view all book chapters, click here.

The Deer Tribe is a dangerous cult. While they present themselves as a spiritual community offering healing and empowerment, their practices are rooted in manipulation, control, and cultural appropriation. Like many cults, they offer moments of genuine connection and personal insight — but these are strategically used to gain trust and draw people deeper into a harmful system. Readers are encouraged to read the entire book before forming opinions about the Deer Tribe.

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Chapter 65

In late April, the Deer Tribe’s Board of Directors finally sent me an email. They apologized for the delay in contacting me and for any additional distress it may have caused. They explained that two committees had been formed: one to improve the Quodoushka experience and another to establish guidelines for handling complaints.

While the committees carried out their work, the Board issued a directive prohibiting parents and their adult children from attending Q workshops together. This directive would remain in effect for twelve months.

“We support your healing,” they said. “Will you consider a moderated Talking Stick with yourself and Necea Klein? And a second session with Walter LeVay? You can suggest a leader in good standing to monitor the process.”

Later that day, I received an email from Mary Rivers, one of the Council of Law members who had responded to my inquiry.

“Hello,” she wrote. “Please keep this confidential, okay? I’m not supposed to be writing to you. But I just want you to know that I was in the meeting about the Q committees. I have some concerns. Both committees are headed by Joanne Nightbird. The second one is also led by Susan Parker. These committees are supposed to oversee the Q teachers and teachings, but since they’re being run by Q teachers, I doubt anything will really change. Someone even suggested pausing Q workshops until the policy review process is completed, but the Q teachers shot it down—they don’t want to stop because that’s their source of income. I also feel that Necea, Walter, Annika, and Joanne should be held accountable for their actions, but so far, no consequences have been proposed.”

“Thank you for letting me know,” I replied. “I promise I’ll keep this between us.

“Of course! I just feel it’s important for you to know. The Deer Tribe really needs to bring in a third party for this investigation. I’ve tried to tell them that. I’ve worked in HR management for nearly 20 years, you know. But with the Deer Tribe, it’s very hard and slow to make these kinds of structural changes.”

I wondered why Mary Rivers chose to stay with this group, given her concerns, the obvious lack of integrity committed by the leadership, including subterfuge. Since I didn’t know her that well, and she was kind enough to keep me informed, I kept those thoughts to myself.

But I had to laugh at the Board’s brain-dead suggestion of a Talking Stick. It showed just how incredibly insulated and brainwashed upper-level apprentices are.

So I sent them a reply.

“Dear Board, who is actually apologizing here? Is Annika apologizing for intercepting the letter I mailed through the USPS addressed to the Council of Law (which is a federal crime by the way). Is Joanne apologizing for lying to me? Are Necea nd Walter apologizing for having me do sexually-oriented activities with and in front of my mother?

“I was informed of who is leading these committees. This is not an objective investigation. I know exactly what you are doing.

“I am not an apprentice or part of this community anymore. Talking sticks and A-Road designations are meaningless to me. Why in the world would I want to use these tools when your other methods have caused me such harm?

“If I ever decide to have a conversation with Necea, it will be in the presence of a lawyer.”

Weeks later, I received another email from the Board. This time, they needed my help. A panel of three women had been created for the specific purpose of investigating all the events around the Q workshops where I experienced trauma. My feedback, they told me, was paramount. Would I be willing to speak to one of these women?

I forwarded their messages to June and Sawyer.

“I would be very careful what you reveal to an upper gateway apprentice,” Sawyer wrote me in a private reply. “Someone at that level is deeply indoctrinated and invested in maintaining the status quo. They claim the women in these panels can be neutral, but we all know that’s not true. They don’t have higher status than the HLL, so it’s a tall order to assume they’ll be able to ask the tough questions and risk the wrath of Joanne.”

“What level of brain-dead, Kool-Aid-drinking bullshit is this?” June replied. “A ‘twelve-month ban’ on parent/child participation? And after that, it’s okay? This is so fucking ludicrous.”

Later, I sent the Board’s updates to Stephen, who had been feeding me information about the LoA.

“Oh, I know their game well,” he replied. “Don’t trust them. Joanne Nightbird controls everything. She’s behind every decision the HLL, the Board of Directors, and the Council of Law make. These decisions serve only her, the HLL, or their chosen few. Many in upper leadership know this; they’ve seen it firsthand. But speaking out is risky. Joanne and the HLL are the ones who decide who gets to do the upper gateway ceremonies. Favoritism isn’t the exception—it’s the rule. Believe me, they will put this back on you or sweep it under the rug. It doesn’t matter that Annika committed a felony by intercepting your letter to the Council of Law or that Joanne lied. There are zero consequences for the HLL when they make poor or damaging decisions. It's always framed as a ‘learning process’ or an excuse of ‘we are human.’ There’s always an answer or excuse for everything when it’s done by the HLL or under their banner. But if someone else makes a mistake, they are raked over the coals, accused of breaking alchemy, or betraying faith bonds.”

Frustrated, I typed out my reply to the Board.

“Dear Board, I agree it is very important that this serious situation be thoroughly investigated. In just the past four months, I have spoken with fourteen women and one man who have shared with me personal stories of harm they experienced inside Quodoushka workshops by other participants and Q instructors. Doesn’t this give you pause? This is a very high number, and I am deeply concerned. I think it would be a wise and prudent move to hire an independent private investigator with no ties to the Deer Tribe or anyone affiliated with the Deer Tribe. I am sure you can see that this request is perfectly reasonable and fair. Let's review the facts:

“Annika West, Joanne Nightbird, Linda Clarke, and Catrina Novak have already demonstrated that a true internal investigation is not something that is valued or encouraged from the highest leadership down. Otherwise, Annika, Linda, and Joanne would have set this up immediately when I reached out originally in September 2021. Or Catrina would have set this up immediately when I reached out a second time in March 2022. Instead, Annika intercepted the letter I sent through USPS addressed to the Council of Law, and Joanne lied to me about what was done. Catrina said she was my ‘point person’ and I haven't heard back from her since March.

“To this day, Annika, Linda, and Joanne have neither acknowledged nor apologized to me for their actions. We all know that questioning or confronting the highest levels of leadership is not in the culture of this organization.

“I sincerely want to know how the Board of Directors thinks that now, all of a sudden, it will work?

“Given my experience in Quodoushka and the initial responses by the highest levels of leadership, how could I ever trust your suggestions again?

“Bringing in an independent investigator is the very first thing you should have done to avoid a conflict of interest and show that you really care and take my case seriously. Any person with any amount of common sense will agree that this situation cannot be investigated by people inside the Deer Tribe who all answer to the highest levels of leadership—a leadership that has already demonstrated their primary interest is keeping what happened to me contained.

“When you decide to hire an independent private investigator, I will speak with him or her. I will need sufficient notice to research the person you choose to make sure there is no conflict of interest. For example, it should not be a ‘friend’ of anyone who is in the Deer Tribe.”

The Board replied a week later. They assured me the Deer Tribe never runs from or denies problems. In fact, they do the exact opposite. The primary goal of the Deer Tribe leadership is to act with integrity. This integrity will definitely extend to the Q refinement process. Of course, they must honor the confidentiality agreements with their participants, which is why the investigation must be conducted internally.

Unfortunately, and they are truly disappointed about this, but it just is not possible to hire an outside investigator. As a non-profit, they simply lack the funds. But they can absolutely promise me a neutral investigation. The three women of the panel have promised to be objective. Would I please reconsider speaking with them about my experience?

“Got it,” I wrote to the Board. “If you ever change your mind about hiring an independent, qualified investigator, feel free to reach back out and let me know. The answer is no, I will not be speaking with anyone affiliated with the Deer Tribe. None of the women and men I spoke with want to talk to anyone in the Deer Tribe either. They don't trust you, and don't feel safe. I am working on gathering their statements, and with their permission, I will hand them over to an independent source. But not to you.”

That was the last communication I had with the Deer Tribe.

Go to Chapter 66.