The Sweat Lodge At The Rudra Center
Chapter 1 of Neophyte: My Life In A Sex Cult
The Deer Tribe is a dangerous cult. While they present themselves as a spiritual community offering healing and empowerment, their practices are rooted in manipulation, control, and cultural appropriation. Like many cults, they offer moments of genuine connection and personal insight — but these are strategically used to gain trust and draw people deeper into a harmful system. Readers are encouraged to read the entire book before forming opinions about the Deer Tribe.
Chapter 1
Night had fallen when we gathered outside. I stood barefoot on the cold, pebbly ground, feeling uncomfortable in the frigid December air. Shivering in my tank top and yoga shorts, I pulled my towel more snugly around my shoulders. I wished I had worn my shoes.
I waited with around 30 others in a secluded area for the Dance Chief, a man named Silver, to join us. He would be leading our sweat lodge healing ceremony.
Butterflies danced in my stomach. The whole evening had been slightly disorienting. Hours had passed since I arrived, and I was feeling fatigued by a whirlwind of emotions: uncertainty, nervousness, impatience.
Now, my excitement surged because the ceremony was about to begin. I moved closer to the fire pit for warmth.
The woman standing guard gave me a warm smile. Earlier, she had introduced herself as Sally, our Fire Chief. Beside her stood her companion, a grey-haired man named Mike, who would serve as our Rock Runner. They were covered head to toe in clothing, presumably for protection from both the cold and the fire’s intense heat.
The two of them would serve important roles in our ceremony. Sally would tend the fire, while Mike would use a long shovel to carry the hot stones from the fire pit to the rock pit inside the sweat lodge.
I gazed at the fire, entranced. The fire pit was enclosed within a three-sided cement structure, with a vent cover on top. A pitchfork and shovel leaned against one side.
A couple of hours ago, I watched Sally and Mike build a pallet out of wood, pile it with stones, and then cover the stones with twigs, branches, and newspaper. Later, Sally had set the pile ablaze.
For over an hour, the stones had cooked in the flames.
Now, the flames had died down so that only the stones and coals remained. They cast a red glow, illuminating the space lit only by soft twinkle lights.
But the most magnificent site was the sweat lodge.
It stood dome-shaped, nestled under layers of rainbow-colored blankets. When I first arrived that day, I saw the naked structure, made of wicker branches intricately woven together and bound with heavy rope. Despite being a newcomer, I was immediately put to work, and I helped the others drape heavy canvas tarps and blankets over the entire frame, ensuring that not a drop of light could get through.
Then, we formed an assembly line and snugly arranged river stones all around the base of the lodge where the blankets met the ground. Our line of stones ended at each side of the doorway, where the wicker branches had been formed to create a large opening big enough for an adult to crawl through. This doorway, about seven feet from the fire pit, provided access to the lodge.
Next, two people carried a giant, round piece of artificial turf and rolled it out inside the lodge. This would provide a barrier for our bodies from sitting directly on the gravelly ground.
Finally, two people carefully placed an elk skull and antlers on top.
Now, as the minutes passed, I felt my anticipation grow. I had never experienced a sweat lodge before. I was averse to praying. And I didn’t know a single person in this group.
But I yearned for healing and a spiritual experience that differed from my rigid, unpleasant religious upbringing. Deep down, I sensed this sweat lodge could be the catalyst for the transformation I sought.
And then Silver appeared. He was a compelling, intriguing, mysterious man whom I had met for the first time that day.
He looked regal in his long, turquoise robe and colorful headband that crossed his forehead and tied in the back. His right hand gripped a giant white feather.
Immediately, the group formed a line around the sweat lodge. Silver’s mouth upturned in a mischievous grin as he surveyed the space. I found myself awestruck by his presence. He exuded authority and kindness, his demeanor both commanding and playful.
A woman stood next to the sweat lodge doorway. Silver motioned to her, and she stepped onto a flat stone positioned at the entrance.
Raising the giant white feather high, Silver swiftly brought it down to her feet in a sweeping motion. He spoke inaudible words, and after a moment, the woman crouched low and crawled into the lodge.
Minutes passed, and the line moved forward. One by one, each person stepped in front of the entrance, allowing Silver to bless them inside in the same strange way.
Then, it was my turn. Nervous excitement swelled in me as I stepped onto the flat stone, bringing me inches away from Silver.
He lifted his giant feather above my head and brought it down to my feet.
In a rhythmic voice, he whispered, “Little people, little people,” as he used the feather to tap my feet, knees, waist, and shoulders.
He whispered other words in a language I didn’t understand and then placed one hand lightly on the small of my back while holding the feather to my navel.
“Great Spirit, Sacred Powers bless this sister as she enters the lodge tonight for all her relations.”
I dropped to my hands and knees and brought my forehead to the ground as I had seen the others do.
“For all my relations,” I whispered and crawled into the darkness.
“Welcome, sister,” a woman said pleasantly. “Crawl to your left and stay low.”
I made my way along the inside of the lodge until I came up against the man who had gone in before me. I sat next to him with my knees up, as instructed, then wrapped my arms around my legs for warmth.
Gradually, my eyes began to adjust to the darkness.
More and more people entered the lodge until there were so many of us that a second circle formed in the middle. I heard giggles and whispers. A woman hummed quietly under her breath.
The butterflies fluttered in my stomach again, and I felt a mixture of excitement, anticipation, and a touch of delirium.
After several minutes, Silver stood at the entrance of the lodge. In the dim light, I could make out his form from his feet up to his knees. I noticed that his robe was gone. Faintly, I heard Sally utter the same incantations Silver had used to bless us inside.
When she finished, Silver dropped to all fours, bringing his forehead to the ground.
“For all my relations,” he said reverently.
He positioned himself inside the lodge, right in front of the door. To his side, in the northeast corner, lay the rock pit.
I heard the shaking sounds of a rattle, and then Silver began humming a haunting, melodious tune, causing my heart to stir with enchantment.
After a moment, the humming stopped. Silver turned his head toward the doorway.
“Bring in the first seven,” he said. “One at a time.”
Silver's body blocked my view of the outside world, but I could hear the scraping and clacking sounds of stones being moved around in the fire pit.
I heard footsteps as our Rock Runner approached the doorway. There was another scraping sound and then a loud thunk as the stone fell into the rock pit inside the lodge.
“Trust and innocence, we welcome you,” Silver said. I heard a crackle, and then a delicious aroma permeated the space.
The Rock Runner brought the second stone in.
“Intuition and introspection, we welcome you.”
With every stone, Silver spoke a different blessing.
“Balance, harmony, wisdom, and logic. Illumination and enlightenment. You are welcome here.”
Once the seven stones were in, Silver told the Rock Runner to bring 13 more.
As the Rock Runner brought in the additional stones, Silver began to speak.
“This is an alchemical process. And this process started hours ago. It started when we dressed the lodge and lit the fire. It started with your decision to come here tonight.”
Silver paused, and I heard another thunk as another rock fell into the pit. Once again, a crackle sounded, and the aromatic scent of herbs filled the air.
“This process is designed for you to get out of your head,” Silver continued. “That’s why there is heat. The heat is so that you can transform. Heat is the alchemical ingredient that allows for transformation.”
I found myself enchanted by his words, by the enveloping darkness, and by the meditative sounds of rocks falling. Wind chimes echoed in the distance. The ambiance was soothing, melting all my tension away. I felt dreamy and serene.
“Alchemy is created by the presence of the elements,” Silver’s voice reverberated in the space. “All the elements are present here. The fire element created the heat to warm our rocks. The earth element is present in the rocks. When I pour water on the rocks, that creates steam, which is the air element. The water and your sweat are the water element. This lodge is the womb space and our connection to Grandmother Earth. When we sweat tonight, we get more than physical purification. We also get spiritual transformation. We gain access to our Highest High Selves.
“In a moment, once the rocks are all in, I’ll call for the water. Then, the door will come down, and I’ll begin another alchemical process. Each rock represents a certain ceremonial power, which I will be calling in a specific way. All the powers of the universe are represented here tonight.
“This ceremony will alter you. And when we are altered, we can shift our patterns. We can heal ourselves. You are already very altered, and you will be even more altered by the end. So let’s get started.”
“Water, please,” he said, and a moment later, I heard sloshing sounds as I faintly saw him pull in what looked like a five-gallon bucket and set it next to the rock pit.
“Now the drum,” he instructed.
Finally, everything was settled.
“Close the door,” he said jovially. “Let’s bake ‘em!”
Within seconds, the dim light pouring in from the fire disappeared as the Fire People dropped a heavy blanket over the lodge opening, completely immersing us in blackness.
Go to Chapter 2.