Hey Great Spirit, It Is I
Chapter 2 of Neophyte: My Life In A Sex Cult
This is a chapter within my memoir, Neophyte, about my time in a harmful cult called the Deer Tribe Metis Medicine Society. It is not meant to be read as a stand-alone post. To view all book chapters, click here.
The Deer Tribe is a dangerous cult. While they present themselves as a spiritual community offering healing and empowerment, their practices are rooted in manipulation, control, and cultural appropriation. Like many cults, they offer moments of genuine connection and personal insight — but these are strategically used to gain trust and draw people deeper into a harmful system. Readers are encouraged to read the entire book before forming opinions about the Deer Tribe.
Chapter 2
A sizzling crackle sounded as water droplets landed on the stones. The whistling and hissing lingered as Silver continuously sprinkled water on the rocks, drawing me into a deep reverie.
Heat began to permeate the space. In his rhythmic voice, Silver spoke.
“Grandfather Sun, giver of light; Grandmother Earth, giver of life, we call to you. Be here now.”
More water, more sizzles and hisses.
“Sacred Plants, we call to you. We call to the herbs, shrubs, flowers, and trees. Sacred Animals, we call you here now. We call to the swimmers, crawlers, winged ones, and four-legged creatures. Be here now!”
With every verse, he poured more water on the rocks. The delicious steam from the rising heat enveloped my body, warming me.
“Hey, check out these Rock People! We call to you Sacred Minerals, the first hoop of creation, and we pour this water for you so you will never know thirst.”
“Sacred Humans, be here now. Sacred Ancestors, we call to you and invite only the ancestors who love us to join us here tonight. For any ancestors who have issues with us, we are willing to work out these issues with you at another time and please. Please remain outside the lodge, as we call only the ancestors who love us and are working with us in the light. Be here now!”
The hypnotic splashing and snapping sounds of the water continued. Fierce heat filled the space, a delightful contrast from the outside cold.
Silver continued his recitations, calling to the Sacred Dream, the Sacred Book of Life, Design and Choreography of Energy, and All States of Mental Awareness. He called to the Grandfather Stars and Sister Moon, the Grandmother Planets, and the Grandfather and Grandmother Societies. It went on and on.
The lodge grew warmer and warmer with each passing moment. The heat felt wonderful.
Then, drumming sounds, and an enchanting melody erupted as people began to sing.
Ani kuni chaouani
Ani kuni chaouani
Awawa bikana caïna
Awawa bikana caïna
Ani kuni chaouani
Ani kuni chaouani
Éiaouni bissinni
The song, haunting and beautiful, carried me to another world where I lost all sense of time.
Suddenly, Silver’s voice transitioned to a more commanding tone.
“As I have been taught by my teachers and they were taught by theirs, I now do the standard conjuring where I marry the ten planetary movers, Mercury, Venus, Earth, Mars, the Law Belt, Jupiter, Saturn, Uranus, Neptune, and Pluto.
“And through the powers of Lawjup Lawjup Lawjup LAWJUP! I conjure and command the sacred marriage of Mercury and Venus, MERVEN, MERVEN, MERVEN, step through the gateway of the south and open the portal of truth and trust and be here now!
The heat was intense and consuming, pulling me into a deep trance. He repeated a variation of this last phrase several times, then said, “We begin the first round of prayers. Hey Great Spirit, Sacred Powers, it is I Silver Ra…”
Once complete, he declared, “Aho, I have spoken!” I heard more sizzling as he poured water on the stones, and he called out “Next prayer!” One by one, each of us in the lodge prayed out loud for all to hear. If anyone dawdled or stalled Silver commanded, “Pick up the pace!”
The brother before me completed his prayers, and then I called out, “Hey Great Spirit, Sacred Powers, it is I. I pray for emotional healing. I pray to find my way. I pray to feel more confident so that I can be true to myself. Aho, I have spoken!”
The prayer round continued in this fashion until the last sister had spoken. With the first round complete, Silver called out, “Open the door, please!” The blanket door came up, and a slight chill entered the lodge. No longer in darkness, I could make out the faint shadows of the people surrounding me.
“I need two more rocks,” Silver told the Fire People.
Again, I heard the scraping and clunking sounds as two stones landed on the already hot pile. My nostrils filled with the aroma of herbs once more. And then Silver called for the door to close.
“We begin the second round of prayers,” he announced. “This round is prayers for others. I will begin with our prayers for the collective.
“Great Spirit, Sacred Powers, I pour this water for our collective. We pray for clean food and water. We pray for the wars to end among the brothers. We pray that the sisters who have been deceived into supporting those wars return to the home, heart, and hearth.
“We pray for an end to the hidden tax of inflation and a return to an honest money system based on gold and silver. We pray that our country returns to its original constitution and Bill of Rights. And I pray for those who do not know what that means.
“We pray that our children may always choose how they are educated.
“We pray for the victory of the Gold Horse and for a shift into spiritual determination and heart-to-heart communication on the planet.
“Now we all pray for our blood relations together, out loud in one voice.”
Immediately, a cacophony of voices surrounded me as everyone in the lodge raised their voice to pray. I heard the familiar “Aho, I have spoken,” several times as each brother and sister completed their prayers. Gradually, the voices tapered out, and after about 20 seconds, everyone had finished. Silver once again called for the door to open.
“Bring me thirteen stones,” he directed.
As the Rock Runner made several trips between the fire pit and the sweat lodge, Silver’s voice rang out in the dimly lit space. “Now we move into the third round. This is the healing round. You will give away whatever is keeping you from having what you asked for in the first round. And to guide us in this round we call upon the power of Lord Shiva.” Someone began drumming rhythmically, a rattle was shaken, and everyone began singing.
Shiva Shiva Shiva Shambo
Shiva Shiva Shiva Shambo
Maha Deva Shambo
Maha Deva Shambo
Over and over we sang this verse with increasing fervor and passion. The sweat lodge became hot, much hotter than before. The energy had elevated, and I felt the intensity in our voices.
The song ended and the third prayer round began. Once again, Silver prayed first, then guided the circle.
I could feel the passion and strength in each individual’s voice. The heat swelled, becoming fiery, thick, and nearly unbearable. I began panting, longing for cool air, for a break from the endless heat, but I commanded my body to stay put. Then, as if sensing my struggle, the man to my right offered me some water, which I gratefully accepted.
It was my turn to pray. “Hey Great Spirit, Sacred Powers,” I began just as I had heard the others say. “It is I. This jealousy I have inside my relationship, I store the positive learnings and I give it away now! This fear I have that I am unloved, I store the positive learnings and I give it away now! This pain I carry from childhood, I store the positive learnings and I give it away now! Aho, I have spoken!”
I heard the familiar sizzle as Silver poured water on the rocks for my prayers. Like everyone, I was sitting with my knees up. But I adjusted my position so I could rest my forehead on the carpet. I reached behind me and grasped the sandy ground at the tarp's edge. It felt cool, and I focused on that sensation as I waited with painful urgency for the round to complete.
Finally, the door came up, and a blessed blast of cool air poured into the lodge. I breathed it in with relief. Silver called for more rocks, and this time he left the door open as we moved into the fourth prayer round. He thanked each of the sacred powers that he had called upon in the beginning. And then it was done.
“Now it is time to birth our new bodies. I will get out first, and I’ll stand by the door to assist you out. I’ll support you until you are stabilized. Then I suggest you lie your tummy on the ground for five minutes and let the earth do her work on you. It will save you a week’s worth of processing.”
Slowly, one by one, everyone left the lodge, crawling out in reverse order as we had come in. The heat was quickly dissipating. My skin dripped with moisture, and the cool air chilled my body. After several moments, it was my turn to exit. I crawled to the door and stood up, shaking and wobbly. Silver gently held my arm with one hand and lightly touched his fingers to my back.
I had no idea what time it was. Twinkle lights illuminated the area, along with the last glowing embers from the fire. I faintly heard the sounds of downtown Denton on a Saturday night: cars driving by, music, voices. But they felt distant and removed. The ceremony formed a bubble that nothing could penetrate.
The Rock Carrier, Mike, brought me my towel. He held out his arm for me to hold and guided me to a place near the fire pit. Several people were lying face down. I spread my towel on the pebbly ground and lowered my body to the earth.
I had done it. I had gone through the hot, hot sweat lodge, and I felt euphoric. I had never felt a feeling as wonderful as this. The relief and peacefulness were deep and palpable.
If this is what it means to be altered, then I was completely on board.
Go to Chapter 3.