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Chapter 15 of Neophyte: My Life In A Sex Cult
This is a chapter within my memoir, Neophyte, about my time in a harmful cult called the Deer Tribe Metis Medicine Society. It is not meant to be read as a stand-alone post. To view all book chapters, click here.
The Deer Tribe is a dangerous cult. While they present themselves as a spiritual community offering healing and empowerment, their practices are rooted in manipulation, control, and cultural appropriation. Like many cults, they offer moments of genuine connection and personal insight — but these are strategically used to gain trust and draw people deeper into a harmful system. Readers are encouraged to read the entire book before forming opinions about the Deer Tribe.
Chapter 15
“We are going to have our first teaching of the workshop,” Brian announced, his voice even and calm. “We’ll be learning about two medicine wheel teachings: the Sexual Preferences Wheel and the Relationship Choices Wheel. But first, I’ll explain what a wheel teaching is.”
I zoned out as Brian explained the basics of wheel teachings. During the evening’s meet-and-greet, I learned that most of the participants didn’t come from the Deer Tribe but had been referred to Quodoushka by a friend. As far as I could tell, Matthew was the only apprentice, and we were the only ones familiar with the Deer Tribe’s medicine teachings.
“In the west, we have the Heterosexual Sexual Preference,” Brian’s gaze traveled around the room, pausing every now and then to look intently into the group. “This means you are attracted to a person of the opposite sex.” Brian spoke so seriously, as if this was ground-breaking information, that I had to stifle a laugh.
“In the north is the Bisexual Sexual Preference,” he continued, “which means you are equally attracted to both men and women. Moving to the east, we have the Homosexual Sexual Preference, which means you are attracted to a person of the same sex. And in the south is the Ambisexual Sexual Preference. Ambisexual means you have a primary sexual preference for one sex, but on occasion, if the time is right and if it’s the right person, you might have a sexual preference that is different from your primary one. So, for instance, you could be a heterosexual woman, but occasionally you might have a sexual preference to be with a woman.”
“Finally, in the center is the Omnisexual Sexual Preference,” Brian continued. “An omnisexual is someone who feels deeply connected to all of nature and humanity. They can experience a deep sense of aliveness and even orgasmic energy just from watching a sunset, being in nature, or feeling moved by music.”
“Just as our sexual preferences are a choice, so are our relationships,” he continued, his tone serious. “In the west, we have the Monogamous relationship, alongside the committed open relationship. We will talk more about being in a committed open relationship later on. Thunderstrikes once said that monogamy is the hardest relationship choice, but it is also the most rewarding. Monogamous relationships involve the deep reflection of just one other person, and this can offer the greatest opportunity for growth.”
“In the north is Open-Paired Sharing. This relationship choice involves two couples coming together, perhaps to live together, share finances, or raise children. In the east, we have Celibacy, which is about ‘celebrating self.’ This differs from abstinence, which cuts you off from your sexual life force. In the south is the Triadic relationship, where three people come together. This could be one man with two women, one woman with two men, or three people of the same sex. There are many different possible arrangements, as it doesn’t mean that everyone in the triad engages sexually with each other. At the center is the Freedancing choice. Freedancing involves exploring connections with different people, but without being in a committed relationship. This can look like dating, and the term commonly used in society for this relationship type is ‘single.’”
Brian looked intently around the room again.
“Labels, names, and distinctions can be empowering because they allow us to define our freedom of sexual expression,” he concluded, then returned to the couch.
Necea stood and took over once again. “Thunderstrikes taught us that both sexual preferences and relationship choices are equally beautiful. What most people don’t realize, though, is that they are a choice. We choose the relationships that will allow our spirit to grow the most. Our soul makes this choice based on how each of us, individually, can best learn and grow in this lifetime. When we honor the choice our soul makes, we pick up the light arrow of self-love, which opens the door to abundance, freedom, and prosperity.”
Necea took her seat and leaned in to whisper with Brian and Mukee for a few seconds. The room remained completely quiet. Then, Mukee stood up to make the next announcement. “We’re now going to have our Talking Stick ceremony. The stick will be passed around the room, and when it reaches you, you will share your name, your sexual preference, your current relationship choice, and, finally, what you truly long for sexually.”
I listened to everyone’s introductions. Most of the participants identified as freedancers. Matthew and I, along with a man and a woman from New York, were the only couples present.
To my surprise, two sisters were in attendance. Then, one of the male participants, Justin, mentioned that he was Josh’s son, the homeowner and logistics lead. It made me wonder—are family members allowed to attend a Quodoushka together? It seemed odd to me, but the Quodoushka instructors did not react to it. It occurred to me that we lived in such a sexually repressed society, so maybe it’s okay here. This thought would come to haunt me years later.
When the Talking Stick reached me, I gave my first name and my medicine name, Seal Star, that Silver had bestowed on me in a sweat lodge several months earlier. “I am in a monogamous relationship with my partner Matthew,” I said. Then, more shakily, “What I really long for sexually is more intimacy and pleasure with my partner.” I felt cold and numb as I passed the stick to Matthew.
By the time we completed the Talking Stick, it was nearly midnight. But there was one last exercise. Brian guided us to close our eyes and take several slow, deep breaths. Then he said, in a hypnotic voice, “Now imagine… it is Sunday… The Quodoushka is complete… You received everything you longed for and are completely transformed... Now, open your eyes and on the front page of your manuals, write down: ‘It is Sunday, and I am now…’”
I opened my eyes and wrote: “It is Sunday, and I am now a sexually liberated human being.”
Before we were dismissed, Nikki gave an important reminder. “Tomorrow morning, the dancing begins at nine! The theme for tomorrow’s dance is the Adventurer Explorer. So tap into your adventurous spirit. You can be anything you desire! You can be a scuba diver, or a safari guide, or a cowboy. Anything that invokes your adventurous spirit!”
Go to Chapter 16.