To Heal, You Must Be Naked
Chapter 17 of Neophyte: My Life In A Sex Cult
This is a chapter within my memoir, Neophyte, about my time in a harmful cult called the Deer Tribe Metis Medicine Society. It is not meant to be read as a stand-alone post. To view all book chapters, click here.
The Deer Tribe is a dangerous cult. While they present themselves as a spiritual community offering healing and empowerment, their practices are rooted in manipulation, control, and cultural appropriation. Like many cults, they offer moments of genuine connection and personal insight — but these are strategically used to gain trust and draw people deeper into a harmful system. Readers are encouraged to read the entire book before forming opinions about the Deer Tribe.
Chapter 17
“Tonight, each of you will experience a profound, transformative ceremony for deep and lasting healing.”
Necea’s voice, low and soft, pierced the room. She stood in front of the blanket couch, dressed in a long, silky black evening gown. Thick, dark makeup accentuated her eyes, creating a striking contrast from earlier in the day. The string of pearls around her neck added a touch of elegance to her ensemble.
Beside me, Matthew sat in black, tie-string pants, while I wore a silky, black sleeveless short dress lent to me by a woman at the Ashram. Just an hour earlier, we had returned from a delightful meal at a local Thai restaurant. Upon our return, we walked through the door to sultry dance music, dim lighting, and the sight of scantily-clad bodies writhing in ecstasy on the dance floor. Many of the men wore silky boxers or thongs. The women flaunted lace, evening gowns, sheer clothing, or lingerie. Tonight’s dance was meant to awaken our inner Wanton, Lusty Lover.
The dancing had unquestionably shifted our energy. I could see it in the faces of those around me, their eyes wide and dazzled as they absorbed every word uttered by Necea.
“The wounds we have experienced throughout our lives get stuck in our bodies,” Necea continued solemnly. “They get trapped inside us as pain tapes. These pain tapes keep us small. They stifle our life force energy. We project these pain tapes onto our partners. And this keeps us from experiencing deep intimacy and pleasure.”
Necea paused, holding her hands together as if she were praying, before continuing on.
“Some people choose to live with these pain tapes their entire lives. But, you are here for a reason. You have the opportunity to release all of your wounds tonight. This includes all of your traumas and past conditioning. And when you do, what you will find on the other side is ecstatic freedom.”
She paused again, her eyes downcast, as if thinking of what to say next.
“Now our neophytes are going to demonstrate this beautiful, powerful ceremony called the Body Imprint Removal. First, we will begin with a demonstration on how to make agreements with your partner. Agreements are very important for co-empowerment.”
Nikki and Jason, who had been absent throughout Necea’s teaching, returned to the teaching space wearing only their sarongs, which they promptly removed and spread out on the floor. Taking a seat, they each sat cross-legged, facing each other with their knees touching.
After exchanging their medicine gifts, Nikki spoke first. “As you know, I am in an open committed relationship with my partner, and I have full freedom to do anything sexually with you. However, I did start bleeding today, so I do not want to be penetrated vaginally or anally. But I am okay for you to touch any other part of my body with any part of your body.”
Jason repeated what Nikki said and asked, “Is this correct?”
“Yes,” she said with a smile.
Then Jason spoke. “Nikki, as you know, I am a freedancer, and I am okay for you to touch any part of my body with any part of your body, with the exception of anal penetration, which I do not enjoy.”
Nikki repeated Jason’s words, and he confirmed she had heard him correctly. Then, they shifted their positions so that Jason lay on his stomach with Nikki kneeling beside him. Her body faced the audience so we could clearly see everything she would be doing.
“We call this our ‘working clothes,’” Brian said with a smile from his place on the couch. His joke dissipated the tension I could feel building in the room.
“There are two parts to this ceremony,” Necea explained. “In the first part, Nikki will be activating and removing Jason’s pain tapes. There are four steps to this process, each one involving a specific technique she will apply with her hands. She will repeat each step three times with Jason lying face down. Then, Jason will turn over, and she will repeat the process on the front side of his body. Again, each of the four steps is repeated three times on both sides of the body.”
Nikki held her hands a few inches above Jason’s left foot and waited for Necea’s cue.
“The first step is called ‘scanning.’ In this step, you will keep your hands above your partner’s body. You do not make skin contact. Nikki is going to scan Jason’s entire body to read his energy field. She will do this by using the Spirit Eye and Mirror Dream Eye on each of her hands. She will go up the left side of Jason’s body, all the way up to his head, and then down the right.”
We waited in silence for Nikki to complete three repetitions. Then, Necea described step two.
“The next step is called ‘sweeping.’ Nikki will place her hands directly on Jason’s skin and maintain skin contact the entire time. Watch and notice that her movements are firm, but also gentle. All the way up Jason’s left side and down his right. While she is touching him, she will use her awareness to notice which areas of Jason’s body are open and which areas are blocked. And again, she will repeat this pattern three times.”
Step three was “kneading.” I watched as Nikki used her hands in a twisting, wringing motion to “knead” Jason’s body, up and down, three times. This was followed by “plucking,” which she performed by rapidly pinching Jason’s skin, pulling it up, and letting go. Finally, Nikki “traced” Jason’s body with her fingertips in a slow, sensual motion.
Then, Jason turned over so Nikki could do the whole process on the front side of his body.
However, to my horror, I saw that each time she went up Jason’s body, she touched his penis.
“Make sure you get the genitals,” Necea told us seriously, as if reading my mind. “The genitals carry deep wounds, and they need healing too.”
I watched the rest of the demonstration in absolute fear. This was not what I signed up for.
Months earlier, when I was preparing to register for the Q, I spoke with Mukee on the phone. Matthew wasn’t sure if he wanted to go, and because we were in a relationship, I wasn’t sure that I wanted to attend without him.
“Quodoushka level 1 is all about you,” Mukee assured me. “It’s all about your sexual relationship with yourself. There are no sexual exercises, and so it’s perfectly fine to come by yourself, even if you are in a monogamous relationship. We have this happen all the time.”
What I was looking at in this moment seemed overtly sexual to me. This woman was touching a man’s genitals. How could anyone possibly see this as anything but sexual? What if I had come to this workshop without Matthew? I would have had to touch a strange man’s penis. I looked around at the men in the room, feeling icky and slightly sick to my stomach. None of them were attractive, and even if they were, there is no way I would feel comfortable doing something this physically intimate with a man I didn’t know.
When I thought it couldn’t get any worse, Nikki moved on to the second part of the ceremony, called “sculpting the energy.”
“Now Nikki is going to use her hands and her body to touch Jason purely for the sake of pleasure,” Necea said earnestly. “Jason is just going to receive. Notice that she is touching Jason in a way that honors the agreements they made at the beginning.”
Nikki began kissing Jason’s chest, stroking his thighs, and lightly tracing around his groin with the tips of her fingers. Jason lay still on his back, his eyes closed, his mouth open in a little smile. Every now and then, a sigh escaped his lips. When she lay her body across his, dangling her breasts over his face, he moaned.
The room was completely silent. No one moved. For the longest time I couldn’t peel my eyes away, but when I did and glanced around, I saw that every single participant remained transfixed on the scene at the front of the room.
“Alright you two, time to bring this to a close,” Necea said playfully after several minutes had passed. She directed her attention back to the participants. “You and your partner will have about fifteen minutes to touch for pleasure. After, you will finish the ceremony by ‘awakening and grounding the energy.’”
Nikki used the tips of her fingers to trace Jason’s entire body, lightly and sensually. Next, she helped Jason move the soles of his feet together and used her breath to blow this same pattern across his body. She repeated this a third time using a feather Necea handed to her, except this time, she ended each repetition by blowing on Jason’s genitals.
“Do not forget to blow,” Necea said with a wink.
Once Nikki finished, Jason slowly sat up, a look of pure bliss on his face. As the neophytes gathered their sarongs, Mukee announced the couples could find a place in the house and get started. Brian then called for all the freedancers to meet in the dance room so he could partner them up.
As Matthew guided me to a place he found for us in the spacious foyer, I couldn’t shake my feelings of horror. I thought about all these women being paired up with strange men they would have to touch. Right before lying down, I saw the creepy man, Sean, settle on the carpet nearby with the woman he had been paired with.
That could have been me. I closed my eyes and tried to forget my disgust as Matthew and I got started on our ceremony.
Go to Chapter 18.