Just Breathe And Undress
Chapter 16 of Neophyte: My Life In A Sex Cult
This is a chapter within my memoir, Neophyte, about my time in a harmful cult called the Deer Tribe Metis Medicine Society. It is not meant to be read as a stand-alone post. To view all book chapters, click here.
The Deer Tribe is a dangerous cult. While they present themselves as a spiritual community offering healing and empowerment, their practices are rooted in manipulation, control, and cultural appropriation. Like many cults, they offer moments of genuine connection and personal insight — but these are strategically used to gain trust and draw people deeper into a harmful system. Readers are encouraged to read the entire book before forming opinions about the Deer Tribe.
Chapter 16
Music filled the house when we arrived Friday morning. We entered through the garage where we had left our dance clothing the night before. I rummaged through my bag, looking for the outfit I had planned for the Adventurer Explorer Lover’s Mask. The welcome email had prepped me for this. I would need a variety of clothing and accessories that I would wear throughout the weekend to express different aspects of myself as a lover. “Don’t stress about it!” the letter had advised, but I found the process of gathering sexy attire overwhelming and intimidating.
I opted for black shorts and a lacy, sheer, long-sleeved black top. Matthew wore his martial arts uniform.
After getting dressed, Matthew took my hand. “Breathe,” he reminded me with a smile, and together we walked inside.
The dance floor was situated on the other side of the living room, which had been cleared of all furniture. Tapestries covered the wide sliding glass doors, providing privacy from the golf course that adjoined the backyard.
My first thought when I stepped into the dance room was: I am way overdressed. Nikki, the female neophyte, wore a nurse’s shirt and nothing else, leaving her trimmed pubic hair fully exposed for all to see. One of the logistics staff, a man whose name I couldn’t remember, wore chaps and a cowboy hat, his penis dangling as he danced. At first, with only four of us present, I felt incredibly self-conscious. However, as more participants arrived, I sighed with relief. Most people had kept their private areas fully covered.
The neophytes beamed smiles at us as they moved their bodies, occasionally letting out a “woooh!” to express their pleasure at the situation. I stayed close to Matthew, finding comfort in his presence. Gradually, my self-consciousness dissipated, and I even began to enjoy myself. The music was lively and intoxicating, blending dance tunes from sacred hip hop artist MC Yogi to classics by Prince.
When “Let’s Dance” by David Bowie began to play, cheers erupted. The room came alive with energy, passion, and ecstasy. Matthew spun me around and pulled me close. I felt incredibly grateful that I had come with my partner.
“That was the laaaast song,” Necea’s voice crooned deeply into a microphone once the song ended. The neophytes Jason and Nikki began shepherding the chattering participants back into the teaching space. Matthew and I found our seats, the same ones we used the night before. Mukee, Brian, and Necea sat on the blanket couch, and Jason and Nikki sat to one side.
For the rest of the morning, the instructors delivered teachings. We learned that all humans have two invisible strands of energy bundles called ‘fibers.’ Each fiber has 12 fiber filaments that protrude out from the navel. The fiber filaments can take different shapes. They can be hook-shaped and create co-attachments. They can have sucker shapes and create co-dependencies. When shaped as arrows, they can attack others by creating energies like animosity and hate. The best shape, it appeared, was the teardrop probe, for it allowed the human to examine another human’s energy field without contaminating their space.
Nikki and Jason then demonstrated how to do a ‘fiber tie-off.’ They brought their hands to either side of their navel, holding their invisible fiber bundles, then moved their hands behind their back so their fibers could travel through their back and out through the navel once more. Last, they mimed tying a square knot.
“You will want to do this fiber tie-off before every exercise,” Mukee advised the group. “This will ensure the energy between you and your partner is clean, and it will protect you from contamination.”
Next, we learned that all humans have ten energetic eyes and five energetic ears situated on various parts of our body. These additional eyes and ears allowed us to see beyond three-dimensional reality.
Finally, we received a brief overview of the human chakra system.
By lunchtime, I felt spacey and sleepy. Even though these were mystery school teachings, they were abstract, made little sense, and the instructors droned on. Too often, I found myself fighting boredom. I was grateful to learn we would be given one hour for our lunch break.
Lunch was served at the house, and Matthew and I ate outside with several other participants. The January Phoenix air was cool, and by the end of our lunch hour, I felt replenished.
When we walked back into the teaching space, Nikki was seated cross-legged on a sarong that was spread out on the floor. She was completely naked. A few minutes later, Jason walked into the room, clad only in his sarong, which he promptly removed before sitting down beside her.
“We are going to demonstrate our first partner exercise of the weekend,” Brian said. “But first, we are going to demonstrate how to properly medicine gift your partner.”
Jason and Nikki shifted so they sat cross-legged on the floor, facing each other.
“Hi Nikki,” Jason said, taking her hands in his. “I am so delighted to be doing this exercise with you. As a gesture of my gratitude, I brought you a pack of pens, because I know you love to journal.” Jason let go of her hand, reached down to his lap, and handed her a pack of colored pens.
“Thank you, Jason,” Nikki said with a smile, accepting the pens. “I am also delighted to be doing this exercise with you. I brought you this raspberry kombucha drink.”
“Thank you, Nikki!” Jason said, accepting his gift with a big smile.
“Jason and Nikki will now demonstrate the chakra balancing exercise,” Brian said as he stood above them. Nikki lay down on her back while Jason made spinning motions six inches above her pubic bone, using two of his fingers pressed together. He repeated this above her navel, solar plexus, throat, third eye, and the top of her head. It seemed rather complicated to me, because he had to first spin in a counter-clockwise motion, then clockwise, and rotate these directions for each chakra. Once he had balanced her chakras, he brought his right palm facedown above her first chakra, again holding it six inches high.
“Now, Jason is going to receive an image from each of Nikki’s chakras using his Mirror Dream Eye on his right hand. You’ll remember from this morning’s teaching that the Mirror Dream Eye sees the dream of what it touches. He is only to relay the image to Nikki. He is not going to interpret or translate it. It may not make sense to him, and that’s okay, because each image may have meaning for Nikki.”
“I see an elk prancing around fire,” he said with his hand hovering above her first chakra.
“I see a lotus blooming,” he said a few seconds after moving his hand above her second chakra. He continued up her chakra line, seeing an owl taking flight, a rattlesnake, a long-haired woman, a waterfall, and an arrowhead halfway buried in the desert sand.
“Okay!” Mukee said enthusiastically. “Now it is time for all of you to experience this exercise. You may spread out around this room and any room in the house. The couples can find a spot and get started. If you came as a freedancer, we will partner you off. Once you have your partners, you will exchange your medicine gifts and get started with the exercise.”
The room bustled with activity as participants stood up. Brian instructed the men to line up in the teaching room, while Mukee called the women into the adjoined foyer.
“This partnering technique is called ‘Great Spirit’s Choice,’” Brian said. “Will the first woman come into the room?”
A woman walked around the corner, and Brian guided her toward the first man in line. Then, one by one, the rest of the women entered the space and were guided toward the next man in line.
As I observed this partnering method, cold chills ran up my spine. Though most of the men at the workshop seemed nice, they were old, and a couple of them, specifically one man named Sean, gave me a creepy vibe. Last night, during the Talking Stick, he spoke enthusiastically about his father buying him access to three prostitutes when he was 14 as a Rite of Passage into sexuality. The instructors responded positively to his story, which somewhat confused me. How was buying sex for a pubescent boy sacred?
What if I had come as a freedancer and gotten paired with someone like Sean, who gave me the creeps? How could that be sexually healing? I quickly pushed these thoughts from my mind.
Matthew and I did the exercise in a small room next to the kitchen. No one else was in that space, and I felt grateful for the privacy. Every once in a while, Nikki or Jason would peek their head in and grin at us.
Around half an hour later, we heard the sound of the drum, and the instructors began singing another song. This was our cue to return to the teaching space. I walked back with Matthew, wondering what this exercise had to do with sexual healing, but there was no time to ask questions. Once the song finished, Necea stood up and immediately launched into the next teaching. She animatedly began talking about the fire breath, a special breathing technique to reach orgasm without any genital stimulation.
“We will now see a fire breath demonstration,” Necea said. She then directed us to move into the dance room, where Jason, Nikki, and Brian lay naked on their sarongs.
“In this technique,” Necea informed us, “you inhale through your nose and exhale through your mouth, letting the breath out with an ‘aaahhhh!’ First, you bring the energy to the first chakra, just like that, and after a few breaths you bring it to the second chakra, and then the third, all the way up the chakra line. Building stronger and stronger, more intense! Yes! Just like that!”
I watched Brian, Nikki, and Jason perform this strange breathing technique. After a few minutes, their breathing became intense. Their sounds grew louder. They began shaking. By the end of it, they were practically screaming. I saw their skin flush and sweat beads form around their temples.
“Alright, now begin slowing it down,” Necea said in her singsong voice. “Feel the delicious energy coursing through your bodies. Yes, it feels soooo good!”
Brian, Nikki, and Jason slowly brought their breathing back to normal. They lay with their eyes half open, their mouths curved into smiles.
“Now, we will all do the fire breath together! Get undressed and make sure you lie down on your sarong or a towel.”
The neophytes helped arrange us on the floor so we lay close together in rows. Then, Necea guided us through the fire breath.
As I lay on the floor, following her guidance, I noticed a tightness in my chest. I felt prickly, uncomfortable sensations in my legs and throat. A churning wave of panic twisted my gut. I listened to the sounds of ecstasy from those around me and wondered why I felt closed off. What was wrong with me?
Finally, it was over. Necea announced it was time to break for dinner. We were to return at seven for the next dance. Tonight, the theme was the Wanton, Lusty Lover.
Everyone was getting dressed, gathering their things, and preparing to leave, but I felt frozen and overcome with intense, overwhelming sadness. I stood in the room, feeling lost and alone, and saw Mukee a few feet away. In a moment of desperation, I walked up to her.
“Mukee,” I said, bursting into tears, “I came here for healing, but I feel so blocked and uncomfortable. I didn’t feel anything in that last exercise.”
Mukee smiled kindly at me. “I understand,” she said compassionately. “And that’s okay. Actually, it’s perfect that this is coming up for you right now. After dinner, we are going to have a beautiful healing ceremony that is going to release all of these traumas and pain tapes that are stored in your body. So go enjoy yourself at dinner, and just know that after tonight, everything is going to be different for you.”
Go to Chapter 17.