Enlightenment Tastes Like Expensive Oolong
Chapter 35 of Neophyte: My Life In A Sex Cult
This is a chapter within my memoir, Neophyte, about my time in a harmful cult called the Deer Tribe Metis Medicine Society. It is not meant to be read as a stand-alone post. To view all book chapters, click here.
The Deer Tribe is a dangerous cult. While they present themselves as a spiritual community offering healing and empowerment, their practices are rooted in manipulation, control, and cultural appropriation. Like many cults, they offer moments of genuine connection and personal insight — but these are strategically used to gain trust and draw people deeper into a harmful system. Readers are encouraged to read the entire book before forming opinions about the Deer Tribe.
Chapter 35
Necea’s home was beautiful. I saw it before leaving town after the Q2 ended.
It had taken me all weekend to build up the nerve to reach out to her. She knew I was in town, and I had hoped she would invite me over for a visit. On Sunday night when I still hadn’t heard from her, I sent her a text. She replied the next morning, asking me to stop by before I left town. Hurriedly, I rearranged my airport shuttle to pick me up from her house instead of the residence where I had been staying, down the street from the workshop. Then I booked a $15 cab ride that would take me across town to her house.
Necea lived in a quiet neighborhood near the Phoenix Mountain Preserve. The cab dropped me off in front of an orange-beige adobe home with a landscaped yard.
I rang the bell. Several seconds later, Necea opened the door.
“Hi,” she said evenly, eyeing the rolling suitcase beside me. “Don’t you want to leave your bags in the car?”
“I took a cab here,” I said. “A shuttle will be picking me up later.”
“Oh. Okay,” she said, opening the door wider and stepping aside so I could come in.
I walked into a spacious, carpeted living room. A special Buddhist tapestry called a thanka adorned one of her gold-painted walls. Ganesha, Kwan Yin, and Buddha statues were tucked into various corners. Everything was tastefully decorated, and nothing was overdone.
In front of her fireplace stood a magnificent rectangular wooden table. At the center was a hand-crafted wooden tray with small ceramic teapots and miniature cups. Necea had placed a tea kettle on one side, right next to a spigot where she kept a five-gallon container of water. This table was infamous; she had talked about it as the "heart and hearth" of her home. Necea and her guests could drink tea for hours on end, never needing to leave her comfortable, overstuffed sofa.
Necea led me to the table, gesturing for me to take a seat on the sofa across from her. She turned on the kettle.
“So,” she said demurely. “How was the Q?”
As I talked, I began to feel a little silly, almost like a young schoolgirl rushing home to tell her mother all about her day. I found myself unable to stop, even though I sensed she wasn’t truly interested. Necea was polite and courteous, but her voice lacked any real warmth. Or was I imagining it? She seemed so different from the Necea I had encountered a year ago at my first Q, when she had approached me with a big smile, saying she wanted to eat with me and chat.
I wanted to please her. I wanted her to see how confident and evolved I was becoming. I searched my mind for something to share that would make her proud.
“I was surprised at how much I enjoyed being a freedancer,” I proclaimed. “I thought I would struggle to enjoy myself without having an emotional connection to my partner. I can really tell how de-armoring has shifted me for the better in this area.”
“That’s wonderful. But you know, being in an open relationship is not in your nature. It’s perfectly okay for you to have a monogamous relationship with Matthew. The Deer Tribe is notorious for open relationships, and sometimes people get the wrong idea that we promote open relationships above monogamous relationships. That simply isn’t true. Open is not a higher form of relationship and it doesn’t mean you have greater maturity. It’s just another option.”
Necea poured hot water into one of the ceramic teapots and then performed what looked like a complicated process of filling the small tea bowls and dumping out the water. Finally satisfied, she poured a tiny cup of tea for each of us.
A swirl of confusing thoughts filled my mind. Open relationships seemed challenging, yet they were a popular choice among the Deer Tribe. I did wonder how they managed jealousy and found the time to function in multiple relationships. Those who did it appeared confident, often sharing how much fun it was to be intimate with different partners and how much it enhanced their primary relationships. Deep down, I knew I didn’t want an open relationship with Matthew, but a part of me couldn’t shake the feeling that I wasn’t as evolved as the others.
“This is a wonderful reflection for you,” Necea's voice softened, and I felt a warmth radiate from her, replacing the coolness she had greeted me with when I arrived. “You’ve reached an incredible growth edge through freedancing, and you should be proud of that. Now, you’ll want to share this newfound energy with Matthew. Be sure to shower him with love and affection when you get home, so he’ll feel glad you attended, even without him.”
Thirty minutes into our visit, Dasha came into the room. Dasha was Necea’s personal assistant, and apparently, she lived with her too. She was a couple of years older than me—vibrant, beautiful, and confident.
Necea’s eyes lit up. “Hi, sweetheart,” she said, beaming a huge smile. “How are you today?”
“Oh, I’m wonderful. What are you two up to?”
“Oh, we’re just chatting. Want some tea?”
A pang of envy struck my heart, and I fought to stifle it. I hated feeling jealous. It was a twisted, ugly emotion that made me feel awful and despicable. But it was hard not to feel jealous of Dasha, who could cause Necea’s eyes to brighten, who got to live with Necea and work for her, who was a skilled neophyte and second gateway apprentice.
Dasha joined us for tea, and Necea’s demeanor completely changed. I stayed quiet as I listened to them chat away.
“Necea, can you drive me to my massage later this morning?” Dasha asked sweetly.
“No,” Necea said. “I have errands. I need to get going.”
I looked at my phone. It wasn’t even ten-thirty. My shuttle wouldn’t be here for another hour.
Necea got up and began gathering her things.
“Um, Necea, my shuttle won’t be here until eleven-thirty. Is that okay?” I asked, feeling like a fool.
“Sure.” She didn’t look at me, but perused a list she held in her hand, whispering under her breath.
“There’s no way you can take me? I really need a massage!” Dasha was pouting now.
Necea glanced up for a second. “No. I’m busy.”
I watched the spectacle unfold with a mixture of embarrassed amusement. I admired Dasha’s boldness. She had no shame in asking Necea for what she wanted. And Necea had absolutely zero issue with saying no. I knew I would never have the courage to ask for something from Necea, and whenever anyone asked me for favors, I always found it difficult—if not impossible—to turn them down.
Within minutes, Necea was out the door. Dasha offered to make me lunch and prepared a delicious meal.
We ate outside, and when we finished, Dasha stripped off her clothes and got in the pool. After a few moments, she let out a huge sigh and began telling me about her exotic life, filled with travel and adventure. Curiosity caused me to wonder: how could she afford to live like this? I listened in silence while confusing and envious thoughts filled my mind.
Later, on the plane, I noticed a familiar, dark feeling taking over—one I associated with depression. I tried to focus on the mental techniques Silver had taught me to clear negative thoughts and emotions. I took slow, deep breaths and commanded my body to relax. I am a child of the universe, and the universe loves me. Everything works if you do, I told myself silently, recalling Silver’s refrain. I kept these mantras on repeat in my mind for the rest of the way home.
Go to Chapter 36.