Trust Me, I'm Safe
Chapter 12 of Neophyte: My Life In A Sex Cult
This is a chapter within my memoir, Neophyte, about my time in a harmful cult called the Deer Tribe Metis Medicine Society. It is not meant to be read as a stand-alone post. To view all book chapters, click here.
The Deer Tribe is a dangerous cult. While they present themselves as a spiritual community offering healing and empowerment, their practices are rooted in manipulation, control, and cultural appropriation. Like many cults, they offer moments of genuine connection and personal insight — but these are strategically used to gain trust and draw people deeper into a harmful system. Readers are encouraged to read the entire book before forming opinions about the Deer Tribe.
Chapter 12
“Hey Silver, I’d like to be an apprentice.”
On Saturday morning of the dance, Silver and I sat in our chairs, watching the dancers move to and from the tree. Soon, the Water Ceremony would commence, and the dry fasters who had abstained from water for the past three days would be honored at the center tree by Joanne Nightbird and given their first drink.
“That’s wonderful!” he said jovially. “You’d make a great apprentice. I can see this work has really helped you on a deep level. A big part of doing the spiritual work is to find a Path with Heart. Perhaps this is it for you.”
“So, how do I become an apprentice?”
“Well, first, being an apprentice means you dedicate yourself to working the gateway process. There are fifteen gateways, and each has a series of ceremonies and warrior task assignments you’ll need to complete. There is also martial arts training, firearms training, and food and water storage requirements. You’ll need to start assembling your medicine bundles. This includes a medicine pipe, but each gateway will require certain medicine items, such as crystal healing tools, medicine mixtures, healing fans, and so on. This is a very materialistic path.”
“How long does it take to get through each gateway?”
Silver smiled. “I love your questions,” he said. “They’re always ‘how’ questions or timing questions. Have you noticed? I get that you want to go fast. The timing is different for everyone. I’ve been an apprentice for twenty-five years and I’m still in the fifth gateway. So it really depends on you.
“You’ll need to stalk out an apprentice guide, someone who you resonate with and who you feel drawn to. I no longer take apprentices because I’m not actively working the gateway process anymore. But your apprentice guide can be anyone who is at the level of Sacred Pipe Carrier. And you can pray for this, you know. You can pray for your apprentice guide to come into your life.”
“Do they have to live in Texas?”
“No, no, they can live anywhere. You can communicate with them by phone or email. You don’t need them to be actively physically present in your life on a daily basis. They are there to support you in your medicine work. SwiftDeer’s been my apprentice guide for twenty years, and he lives in Phoenix. I used to travel to Phoenix ten or fifteen times a year to complete ceremonies and medicine training. This is a demanding path. I almost didn’t make it to Sacred Pipe Carrier. Getting through the fourth gateway was tough. And while I was doing it, they kept changing the ceremonial requirements, so I had to keep redoing ceremonies and traveling back to Phoenix to take tests I had already taken. It was very frustrating.”
Silver was not one to shy away from confrontation. He spoke his mind and voiced his disagreements loudly, even to the most senior medicine people. He was never afraid to express his irritations or demand explanations and refinements for processes that he didn’t understand. I admired that about him. I hoped to find an apprentice guide with similar qualities.
We were silent for a long time. Then Silver spoke again.
“In every generation there is one person who is destined to do the spiritual work for their lineage. You may be that person for your family.”
A warm rush of pleasure filled my body at his words. I basked in this feeling, dreaming of a future filled with ceremonies and adventure.
“It’s a miracle that you’re here, you know,” he continued. “Most people don’t want to do this level of work. Especially beautiful women. You are an attractive woman, you know. Spiritual work is the most difficult for attractive women because they tend to get everything handed to them. So I want to acknowledge and honor you for your dedication. It’s admirable.”
I felt my skin flush and grow warm, but remained silent.
“And I want you to know I’m safe. I don’t fuck my students. That’s unusual for the Deer Tribe. Most teachers fuck their students. Every year at SunDance, people come up to me and ask, ‘Hey Silver, how come you have so many young students? How can we get more young people?’ And I always just tell them, ‘I don’t fuck my students.’ And they don’t believe me. So then I say, ‘Well, I also live in a town with two colleges.’ But I’ve been on this path for thirty years and I’ve seen men use this medicine for personal power to get access to women and sex. That is not in integrity with our path’s teachings. So just beware of the people you choose to trust. Just because someone comes to SunDance doesn’t mean they are in integrity.”
As I pondered his words, Silver rose from his seat and retrieved his whistle and plumes. I watched him walk slowly to and from the tree, my heart full and grateful that I found a spiritual teacher and a Path with Heart.
The SunDance ended around 11 that morning. All the dancers walked out of the arbor through the east gate, where tables of freshly cut, cold watermelon and cucumber juice had been laid out. Ripples of pleasure spread through me when I brought the delicious fruit to my mouth. I looked around at all the dancers who were smiling, laughing, and filling their bodies with the wonderful, sweet watermelon. I felt euphoric.
A grin spread across my face as I saw Matthew walking swiftly toward me with his dazzling smile. He put his arms around me and hugged me tightly for a minute, then brought his forehead to mine and looked deeply into my eyes.
“We did it!” he exclaimed. “We made it to the other side!”
Go to Chapter 13.