A Pipe Ceremony And A Side Hustle
Chapter 23 of Neophyte: My Life In A Sex Cult
This is a chapter within my memoir, Neophyte, about my time in a harmful cult called the Deer Tribe Metis Medicine Society. It is not meant to be read as a stand-alone post. To view all book chapters, click here.
The Deer Tribe is a dangerous cult. While they present themselves as a spiritual community offering healing and empowerment, their practices are rooted in manipulation, control, and cultural appropriation. Like many cults, they offer moments of genuine connection and personal insight — but these are strategically used to gain trust and draw people deeper into a harmful system. Readers are encouraged to read the entire book before forming opinions about the Deer Tribe.
Chapter 23
Shortly after I returned home from the Q, I sent Necea an email.
“Hey Necea, I loved connecting with you at the Q! I’m reaching out because I want to be a Deer Tribe apprentice, and I’m seeking a guide. Are you accepting apprentices right now?”
Necea responded right away.
“Hi! Great to hear from you. I accept very few apprentices these days, but I’m happy to talk with you about this. Can you give me a call tomorrow afternoon? Love love.”
Excitement rippled through me as I read her words. I just knew she would say yes, and the prospect of having her as my guide thrilled me. Necea, in my eyes, was a celebrity. She was a published author, a confident instructor, and a thriving businesswoman. Her website, YouTube presence, and international notoriety impressed me. Though I was only just getting to know her, I sensed she was someone I wanted to emulate.
When we spoke on the phone, she made a few things clear.
“It’s been ten years since I took on an apprentice, and a big reason for that is I love to travel. That’s not something I plan to stop doing anytime soon. Also, my coaching practice keeps me busy, so I just don’t have a lot of time to monitor you on ceremonies. So if you do become my apprentice, know that you’ll need to turn to others to support you through your gateway work. But, I can suggest some Sacred Pipe Carriers in the Phoenix area who are actively sending apprentices out on ceremony.”
“So, anyone who is a Sacred Pipe Carrier can help me with this? It doesn’t have to be my apprentice guide?”
“That’s right! But it would be good for us to debrief after your ceremonies, so I can stay tuned into what you are experiencing. So…you still want to be my apprentice?”
“Yes!” I said.
“Okay, so here’s what I’m going to do. I’m going to have a pipe ceremony, and I’ll let you know within three days what my answer is.”
Two days later, Necea called me.
“Hello darling,” she said. “Well, I got a clear ‘yes’ from my pipe. So now what you need to do is send an email to the Deer Tribe office and let them know our plans to move forward. The next time we are together in person, we’ll have a special pipe ceremony to seal our relationship.”
Then Necea filled me in on the terms of our relationship.
“There is a medicine gifting protocol between apprentices and their guides. As your guide, I am here to support you in your medicine work. However, part of how I make my money is through my coaching practice. As my apprentice, you will receive some of that from me too. I leave it up to you to choose how you want to gift me, which will be dependent on your means. But, as an example, in August this year I am taking my teacher on a trip to China. Though it actually feels like a gift to me too because I get to go to China!”
I felt slightly unsettled at the bar she just set for medicine gifting, but I swept it aside.
Immediately after hanging up the phone, I sent an email to the Deer Tribe. Before the end of the day, I received a warm and enthusiastic welcome email from the Deer Tribe office. “Welcome! We are so happy you have chosen the Deer Tribe as your Path with Heart. Please sign the attached form, and follow the instructions below to access our website portal where you can pay your apprentice dues. They are $150 a year.”
One week later, I received my Apprentice Handbook in the mail.
It was a white, three-ring binder with the words ‘Apprentice Handbook’ and the Deer Tribe logo printed on the cover. Inside were 71 pages of information about the Deer Tribe Metis Medicine Society and what it means to be an apprentice. There were 10 numbered tab dividers, one for each of the 10 gateways. Behind the first tab divider was a booklet with the words First Gateway Guidebook on the cover. All the other tab dividers were empty; I would receive subsequent gateway guidebooks upon completion of each gateway.
I flipped through the guidebook, noting the numerous warrior task assignments, personal ceremonies, and gateway ceremonies I was required to complete before I could progress to the Second Gateway. For each task and ceremony, I would need to record the completion date and get a signature from the Deer Tribe leader who monitored me.
I skimmed through the instructions for the various ceremonies and imagined myself filling out the dates as I completed each one. The Sweet Medicine SunDance Path had order and structure, and that fit my personality very well. This guidebook would keep me on track and would be a reflection of my spiritual progress.
A few months later, Matthew and I made the trek back to Arizona for SunDance. His role on the Security Team was Watch Commander, and I decided to try out the Sweat Lodge Crew. If I had known how grueling the work would be, I would have stayed on Arbor Crew. Our days started at 5:30 or 6:00 a.m., we were given only half-hour breaks for meals, and we worked long into the night. I was exhausted, weary, spaced out, and in pain. What made it worse was the Sweat Lodge Crew Chief’s attitude toward me. She incessantly spoke to me in a condescending tone, often publicly drawing attention to my ineptitude.
“Why in the world would you think that is an efficient way to do that?”
“Do you ever stop to think through what you are about to do?”
Her words stung, and I had to force myself into emotional control. Falling apart emotionally was a low-vibrational thing to do, indicating I was at the effect of another. I sensed this was a situation where I should stand up for myself and confront her, something I knew a more confident person would do. But she was so cutting, and held a position of authority that I felt myself cowering.
“She’s tyranting you,” Silver told me when I went to him for advice. “Sounds like a Persecuting, Tormenting Tyrant. Here is your opportunity to do the work. Find a way to count coup on her.”
My uncertainty around how to talk to upper-level Deer Tribe people also extended into my budding relationship with Necea. I wanted to spend time with her, but it was difficult to find the time. I was envious of the people on easier work crews, who could chat for an hour over lunch as well as between dinner and the evening sweat lodge.
Often, when I spotted Necea in the dining hall, I felt shy and hesitant to approach her. She was always in conversation with someone. It occurred to me that I was likely way more interested in her than she was in me. Matthew tried to be encouraging.
“There’s Necea,” he would point out. “Just go say hi to her.”
But I held back.
On my way out of the Taj after breakfast one day, I worked up the nerve to approach Necea.
“Hi Necea,” I said. My shyness felt like a knife to my heart. “How are you?
“Hey sweetheart, it’s so nice to see you. It’s a shame your work crew keeps you so busy. We should probably spend a little time together while we are here.”
“How about during lunch?”
“Okay,” she said.
When lunchtime arrived, Necea seemed distracted, like she had forgotten our earlier discussion. I hovered nearby, tray in hand, while she got her food, wanting her to notice me and feeling so awkward. She finally saw me and offered a smile, but then, she just walked out of the Taj without a word, leaving me feeling mortified and unsure of what to do.
Stop being ridiculous, I told myself, brushing aside my awkward feelings and running after her.
“Necea!” I called out, and she turned around, looking confused.
“Um, do you still want to eat together today?” I asked, feeling lame and uncool.
“Oh. Sure.”
We walked back to her campsite mostly in silence. Her demeanor was so different from the Q, and I began to feel hot prickles of embarrassment. I felt like a task, a chore she needed to complete.
“So,” Necea said demurely, “Tell me what it is you do for work.”
When I explained that I wrote, edited, and assembled policy documents for a healthcare company, she perked up.
“How would you like to work with me on a project?” she said with a smile. “I’ve been wanting to produce a manual to go along with my Quodoushka book. But I just haven’t found the time because of my travel schedule. Is this something you would be interested in helping me with?”
“That sounds awesome,” I said, scarcely believing my ears.
We chatted a little more about work. I learned that she was a distributor for an essential oil company called Young Living.
“I make a lot of money from oils,” she told me. “I’ve been with Young Living for thirty years, and it’s just grown and grown. Passive income is key to how I’ve been able to design my lifestyle.”
The next day, Necea and I had our special pipe ceremony to seal our relationship as apprentice and guide. As we sat cross-legged on her beautiful Pendleton blanket spread out on the desert floor, I felt her prayers carry me close to Great Spirit. She called upon the Grandmothers to wrap their shawls around me, and to the Grandfathers for their protection. She proclaimed that I would be a teacher of men and would go on to do great things with my medicine work.
After the ceremony, as I walked back to my work crew, hope danced in my heart. I dreamed about a future filled with medicine, ceremony and travel. With Necea and Silver as my guides, perhaps I could manifest great things.
Go to Chapter 24.