Love, Light, And Venmo Requests
Chapter 46 of Neophyte: My Life In A Sex Cult
This is a chapter within my memoir, Neophyte, about my time in a harmful cult called the Deer Tribe Metis Medicine Society. It is not meant to be read as a stand-alone post. To view all book chapters, click here.
The Deer Tribe is a dangerous cult. While they present themselves as a spiritual community offering healing and empowerment, their practices are rooted in manipulation, control, and cultural appropriation. Like many cults, they offer moments of genuine connection and personal insight — but these are strategically used to gain trust and draw people deeper into a harmful system. Readers are encouraged to read the entire book before forming opinions about the Deer Tribe.
Chapter 46
When I got home, my conversation with Sawyer faded into the background because I had to find a job. After paying Susan my first month’s rent, I barely had enough for groceries and gas to last a few weeks. Tuition for my final year in Red Lodge was due by February, and I had to start saving for SunDance. A headhunting agency helped me land a full-time sales job in the trucking industry with a $40,000 base salary. With commissions, they said I could hit $70,000 my first year. It felt like the universe had my back.
The job drained me physically and emotionally. I had to stay upbeat from 7 a.m. to 4 p.m. every weekday. Weekends were packed with laundry, grocery runs, meal prep, spiritual training, and Susan’s chore list. I also joined a Kung Fu academy since martial arts was required to advance in the medicine. Before moving to Phoenix, I’d imagined weekend trips to Sedona, but I was always too wiped for a mountain hike.
My routine quickly turned into a daily grind. Every morning, I was up at 5 a.m. for my spiritual practice—qigong, morning pages, chanting, and a meditation exercise in which I visualized my ideal future as if it had already happened. But instead of feeling refreshed and inspired, these practices started to feel like just another set of chores. I didn’t exactly miss the Ashram, but I longed for the sense of wonder and hope that had kept me going in the early days.
Three weeks after I arrived, Necea and Andie sold their house and moved to Colorado. The night before they left, I went over to visit. We sat on their porch, drinking wine as the sun sank below the horizon, talking about the future and reminiscing about Mukee, who had passed away a year earlier from cancer. Even with the weight of those conversations, my heart felt full. Necea loved me; I could feel it. We weren’t just apprentice and guide. We were friends. I had made it into her inner circle. She trusted me with her secrets, even giving me access to some of her financial accounts. When she needed a volunteer at her workshops, I was the first person she called.
“As soon as we’re big enough, I’m going to hire you full-time,” she promised. “I want you to make a living working for me.”
Matthew was coming to visit for my birthday in February. As soon as he booked his flight, I went to tell Susan. Part of our roommate agreement was to inform each other in advance when we would have guests.
I found her at her computer in the Shoppe, staring intently at the screen, a lit cigarette in one hand.
“Oh, that’s wonderful, honey. I’m sure you miss him.”
“Yeah, I do… So, um, Susan, are you going to want him to pay anything for staying here?” I asked, feeling deeply uncomfortable.
“Yeah, honey. Everyone who stays here needs to pay because they impact the household. The rate is $20 a night.”
Her answer surprised me. Though it was common practice among the Deer Tribe to charge for everything, I expected her to give me a little break. The stupidity of this annoyed me. I couldn’t believe Susan expected to make $140 off Matthew’s one-week visit.
“Well, okay, but he will be staying in my room, so he shouldn’t have to pay the same rate as your Airbnb guests. How about $10 a night?” Susan reluctantly agreed.
I later brought up the topic with Olivia, my friend from the Ashram who had moved to Phoenix the year before.
“I just think it’s weird. Where is the generosity and hospitality?”
“I know, but that’s how it is. When my brother came to visit me, Becka also said he had to pay a daily rate. I tried to push back on this, but she was insistent. She even charges her mom when she comes to visit.”
“Well, I think it’s absurd and disappointing. We’re supposed to be spiritual people, yet in Phoenix, it feels like everything gets turned into a business.”
I was still fuming a few hours later when I received a text. Aho! This is Tess. Would you be available to run rocks this Saturday for the Warrior Spirit lodge?
I’m not available, I immediately replied. I hadn’t even been here a month, and already I had been asked three times to run rocks for various sweat lodges.
Phoenix was the mothership of the Deer Tribe, overflowing with opportunities. People traveled from Australia, Europe, Canada, and all over the United States for medicine training they could only get here—training essential for advancing to the next level. Serious apprentices like myself uprooted their lives, selling their belongings and leaving jobs and relationships behind to relocate to Phoenix. Sometimes, Deer Tribe apprentices living abroad sought out U.S. apprentices for paper marriages, allowing them to legally immigrate and pursue their training. If you wanted to fast-track your way through the medicine, Phoenix was the place to be.
Moving here was a dream come true, but already cracks were beginning to appear. I was quickly becoming overwhelmed. There were community sweat lodges twice a month as well as sisterhood and brotherhood sweat lodges. There were sweat lodges specific to various Deer Tribe programs. Then, there were the longhouse programs like Red Lodge, which I needed to participate in if I was to advance in the medicine. And this was only the beginning. Senior Deer Tribe leaders came up with their own medicine programs, such as the Addictive Personality Paradigm and the Desert Dreaming Women’s Retreat. All promised transformation, healing, and knowledge. All required registration fees of several hundred dollars. I was beginning to realize that spiritual growth in the Deer Tribe was very, very expensive.
Go to Chapter 47.